"So, How's Married Life?"

After getting married, I realized how little people talk about the huge changes that come post-nuptials. During the 2015 holiday season, Miles and I saw a lot of friends and family that we don't get the pleasure of seeing very often. From person to person, they all had the exact same question to ask us.

"So, how's married life?"

Turns out, we weren't exactly prepared for this question. I ended up replying with a lot of "ummm"s and "the same"s. Miles didn't fare much better than me when it came to responding. "Great" may have been the word of the night. Reflecting on it now, I wish I would have been ready for that question. There was so much more to say than "ummm."

Everything changes. On the surface, it doesn't seem that way. We assume the transition will be seamless, because we're so crazy in love. But the fact of the matter is that things get a whole lot more serious.

The only advice that we ever got from married couples before we got married was exactly what you'd expect: "Don't go to bed mad." "Always kiss each other goodbye." "Remember to keep dating each other." While these are nice reminders, there are a few things that I really wish married couples would have warned us about prior to our wedding.

1. It will feel the same, but everything will be different. Our relationship hasn't suffered. We don't argue more or less than we used to. We treat each other exactly the same way. But now we file taxes together. We pay bills together. We have to budget our spending together. I have his last name. Breaking up wouldn't just be "breaking up" anymore. It would be divorce. It would mean admitting defeat to all of our friends and family. (See what I mean about things getting a whole lot more serious?) Things just aren't as simple anymore. But... I've never loved him more. I didn't think it was possible to be more in love with him than I was the day that he looked into my eyes and said "I do." And yet, I love him more every single day.
2. Paperwork and phone calls. Don't like paperwork? Don't like making phone calls? Don't get married. (Or become a therapist.) Changing your name (or adding a spouse to your accounts) is no joke. Social security, DMV, AAA, health insurance, car insurance, every credit card that you use, banks, online shopping accounts, updating your student information, updating your work information, changing your name on certifications and licenses, emails... it never ends. It took months for Miles and I to finally have everything updated to reflect our marriage and my name change. You've been warned.
3. "You guys are next." This is a big one. After getting married, everyone wants to know: "When are you guys planning on having a baby?" If they don't want to know when you're going to have one, they want to tell you when you're going to have one ("You're next"). Miles and I absolutely loathe baby talk. Not because we don't adore babies. Not because we haven't considered this question ourselves. We hate this question, because it's incredibly intrusive. Deciding to have a baby is a very personal and intimate decision. Miles and I agreed years ago that if and when I get pregnant, we'll be keeping it a secret for as long as possible. Not out of spite for others or to be sneaky but to enjoy that very precious and sacred time for us. Remember how personal that question is the next time that you feel inclined to ask. More importantly, remember how many couples silently struggle with infertility. You never know what a couple may be going through behind closed doors, and I can only imagine how painful that question must be for couples who are unable to have children. I understand that most people mean absolutely no harm by asking this question, and I don't mean to chastise anyone. Hell, I've done it myself in the past. However, if you are asking the question selfishly, please reconsider beforehand.

There's also the whole 'feeling like you don't have a purpose after the wedding planning is done' thing, but that doesn't last an awfully long time. If you're planning on getting married in the near future, I hope that this tiny bit of insight helps to prepare you for the changes that come soon after marriage. Fortunately, you'll have your best friend right alongside you, supporting you through the transition. The first year of marriage is a truly magical time (as cheesy as that may sound), and the stresses melt away every time that you get a spare moment together.

Photos by Sun and Sparrow