Being Married to an Artist

Miles and I are quickly approaching our five year anniversary. As individuals, we've accomplished incredible things in the last five years. We've supported each other through our young adult lives and have lovingly stood by and watched each other grow. It's been a whirlwind of a half-decade.

When I met Miles, I knew that dating him would be challenging. Not because he's a difficult person to get along with, but because he's an artist. And what a career it is. Being his girlfriend (let alone his wife) meant having to make a lot of sacrifices that I hadn't ever had to make in a previous relationship. We talk a lot about how people that aren't a part of our inner-circle of friends/family or that aren't a part of the tattoo industry probably don't quite understand what it means to be a tattooer... or to be married to one.

It's hard. It's extremely hard. His work and his art have resulted in many ugly arguments and frustrated cries. I would be lying if I said that I've never stopped and asked myself, "What the hell are you doing?" Luckily, we've adjusted to his life over the years, and I haven't had to ask myself that question in a very long time. I know how extremely lucky I am to be a tattoo artist's wife, and I wear my badge with pride.

So what's so difficult about being married to an artist?

The work schedule. Miles had two apprenticeships before becoming an artist. I met him when he was working at Ship Shape Tattoo (RIP) in San Pedro. I had stars in my eyes and, obviously, really liked that he was an artist. When we first started dating, I had absolutely no idea what I was really signing up for. Being a tattooer means very long workdays. Miles currently works at True Tattoo in Hollywood, which is about 30 miles from our house. Factor in LA traffic, and it can take him close to an hour to get to work. His workday starts at 12 PM. (In general, I'm out of the house by 8:45 AM.) His day doesn't end until 10 PM, and that's assuming he's not tattooing. It takes him an hour to get home to Pedro. By the time we finally get to see each other, it's 11 PM. We have about two hours together, at most, before I inevitably fall asleep with my head on his lap on the couch. We wake up the next morning and do it all over again. His "weekends" are Tuesdays-Wednesdays, so I'm always busy working when he's actually home. After a few years of us being together, he was finally able to take every other Sunday off. We look forward to those days immensely. So, if I can put this into perspective, I only get to sit down and have a meal with my husband, at best, twice a week. I attend most family functions solo. I go to parties and shows with friends or on my own. When first dating him, this took a lot of getting used to. I've learned how to make the best out of his schedule, but I naturally want him around all the time. Being a tattoo artist's wife means being understanding of the fact that the work is demanding.

The social demands. This is both a negative and positive aspect. If you want to be a successful artist (or a well-liked wife), you have to make connections. And why wouldn't you want to? The tattoo industry is just one huge, crazy family. We all care about each other immensely and love getting into mischief together. That being said, there are always times when I'm just plain not in the mood. I'm tired from work, I'm sick, I'm overwhelmed, whatever. On those "off" days, making face is hard, but it's part of the job description. Equally difficult is when guest artists are in town or there's some kind of event or convention going on. Miles, for obvious reasons, wants to be a part of those things. Being married to an artist means not being selfish. Even though I may not have seen him in 14 hours, and I'm really wanting to cuddle on the couch together, I know that I have to support him if I want him to be successful and happy.

The ruts. Miles beats himself up. Occasionally, he begins to question himself and his art. For a day or a week or a month, he'll fall into a rut. This isn't uncommon for artists of any kind, but it's hard to stand by and watch your spouse suffer through a rough patch. I've watched him rip up and throw away painting after painting for hours on end. Inevitably, his frustration starts to weigh heavy on me. He gets testy or retreats to his thoughts. He'll start playing a lot of video games and waking up later and later. He'll gain a of couple pounds and then suddenly lose 10. I've had to learn how to comfort him through all of the negative self-talk and self-doubt. Being a tattooer's wife means believing in their talent. They need your encouragement and reassurance. As hard as it may be to stay positive when they're feeling so damn depressed, it's the best possible thing that you can do for them.

The money. Miles and I have two economic statuses: ballin' and broke. (Just kidding, we've never been ballin'.) Being married to a tattoo artist means accepting that money isn't promised. Miles can be certain that I didn't marry him for his riches. Now don't get me wrong--we do just fine. But income definitely fluctuates when you're a tattoo family. During the summertime, when it's warm and the tourists are flocking in from all over the world, the money is goooood. Other good times of the year are tax season, Spring Break, and right after Christmas. But the dead of winter is just that... dead. The time leading up to Christmas also tends to get a little quiet. People have a lot of gifts to buy and don't generally have a large disposable income. I've had to learn how to budget our expenses and plan ahead for the quieter times of the year. 

All that being said, I wouldn't have it any other way. I absolutely love being married to a tattoo artist. I also love meeting tattoo artists' wives! We're all a part of a club of women that understand the demands of being a wife in this industry. It truly is a job all on its own, but it's one of the best jobs in the world. Miles and I have met, and he has worked with, some of the most amazing and talented people in the world. He's gone from working in a small tattoo shop in San Pedro to working for Oliver Peck in Hollywood, something that he would have only dreamed about 5 years ago. Everyday is an adventure for us, and I am so grateful for this unique and exciting life.

Are you married to an artist? Has your experience been similar? Let me know below!